“You’re single? You’re not having fun with your life then!” …. This is a statement someone actually made to a good friend of mine when she mentioned she wasn’t seeing anyone. We live in a society that places relationships on a pedestal- from celebrities (Jay and Bey? KimYe?) to presidential couples. Truth is, people love love!
Its not at all strange- love is something the human heart longs for because we were created to love and be loved. We were made to be in fellowship with each other and to be in constant communion and relationship with our Heavenly Father. Sadly, most people are seeking this perfect love from deeply imperfect beings. There are so many pressures on people from not only from society to find someone or get married or have a ‘boo’, but also from within themselves. This shows how careful we need to be about how these pressures influence our decisions.
As someone who used to be on the search for ‘the one’, I think I can confidently speak on this from my personal experiences. The other day I was with some old friends for a birthday gathering, and one of them announced that she was sure I would get married early because every time she saw me in the past (after long periods of time) I’d be dating someone new. Guilty as charged. Was I a serial dater? Probably not that bad. But it dawned on me how much Jesus has really saved me from. It really is a stronghold that’s on so many people’s lives: that constant search for fulfilment in another human being. Trying to ‘find’ the one who you’d spend the rest of your life with, and hence giving every ‘sorta kinda right’ guy a chance, in the hope that he’d be ‘the one’. And if not, trying to make him the one. Needless to say, these situations always end badly.
Because of His infinite mercy, God broke that stronghold in my life, and everything that came along with it. Truly, whoever the Son sets free is free indeed [John 8:36]. He showed me that I didn’t need a significant other to feel happy. He showed me that all I need in life is Jesus. That He is in fact, the one. Once God opened my eyes to this, I began to receive all the joy, peace and happiness I had been searching for. I didn’t realise how broken I was, till He raised me to life.
So, here’s where this is heading. Do you find it difficult to accept singleness, let alone to be thankful for it? Every period in your life is a season. And here’s the thing about seasons – they have to come because they are crucial in the growth process, but they will most certainly pass. Whatever season you’re in is a blessing. And believe it or not, singleness too is a blessing. At this stage, I’ve for instance realized that I’m able to focus on one of the most important qualifications for my future career; I’m able to focus on and enjoy God alone, and grow in Him; I’m able to make new friends and have the time to love and serve them (instead of spending all my time on a significant other). I’ve learnt to entrust everything to God. I’ve realized I can live, laugh, travel and savour all of God’s presence without any romantic attachments. I’ve learnt not to spend all my time wishing all my current blessings away waiting and hoping for the next thing. I’ve realised that I need this season to grow!
If you’re struggling with discontentment in this area it may simply be time to give God full control. Take time to thank Him for your season, because the key to contentment really is gratitude. Stop filing voids with the attention you’re getting from the opposite sex, that’s temporary. If you don’t see yourself with that person, why waste your time and theirs? Become satisfied in the Lord. Ask Him to open your eyes to what you need to be doing with your time at this at this stage and His purpose for you. Wait on Him and you’ll get there when the time is right.
‘for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances . I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength’ [Philippians 4:11-13]
***Thanks for reading! For some godly advice and encouragement on relationships, dating, marriage, singleness etc, visit Heather Lindsey’s blog, founder of the Pinky Promise Movement (ladies) and Cornelius Lindsey’s blog, founder of The Oath Movement (men) . God bless you!